Upāsaka

When we think of dukkha, we normally think of pain or suffering—something that doesn't happen often but hurts when it does happen. This could be the death of a loved one or the feeling that you failed to accomplish a goal.

But there is another translation of dukkha, unsatisfactoriness, that captures something that I call daily dukkha. These are small moments of dissatisfaction that you might perceive as normal but that can eat away at your overall happiness. For example, suppose you miss the bus by a few seconds. You might think to yourself, “if only I left the house a little bit earlier, then I wouldn't have to wait until the next bus!” It may be a small irritation, but when all these small moments of unsatisfactoriness are added up, you get something that you might truly call dukkha.

There is an approach to ensuring that these moments of dissatisfaction don't contribute to a decrease in your overall happiness. First, you notice when the thought arises in your mind. Going back to the bus example, you could notice the feeling of anger that you have at yourself for missing the bus. However, you don't have to feed it. Simply watch the thoughts without judging, and you'll notice that they cease just as they arose, and that you don't have to hold onto them. They cause you suffering, so why hold on? The trick is to let these thoughts arise in your mind as they do naturally without letting them take control of you. This is counter to the “cold turkey” approach, where you force yourself to not have such thoughts and push them out of your mind as quickly as possible, which may be effective in the short term but is unlikely to result in lasting changes.